Read Special Edition Post first - Explanation for pants on a coat tree quilt square...

Or…. “Botanists Concerned by the Appearance of Pants on a Coat Tree”

AP. Botanists fear that the appearance of water-proof pants on a common coat tree may be indicative of a greater trend of systematic plant mutations occurring world-wide. Acclaimed research botanist Dr. M. Greenburg says, “this may be the result of  our changing climate.  Extreme changes in typical climate patterns can trigger drastic mutations as plants struggle to adapt.”  These ‘micro-bursts’ of evolution are indicative of the evolutionary mechanism known as  punctuated equilibrium. “  This mechanism has been known to scientist for a while, but such drastic changes are rare. “This mutation is a very odd one indeed, it is not that uncommon to see scarves on a hat-rack tree, that happens from time to time, but to see pants on a coat tree? Now that is truly amazing.” Greenburg went on to say that this may actually benefit  some humans, especially those living in the pacific northwest. “ This evolutionary jump may help folks stay drier as our rainfall increases with climate change.”

From: ROMERO Mike
Subject: RE: Water proof pants on coat tree in reception area can you claim them please.

Or…. “Botanists Successfully Graft Limb from Endangered Water-Proof Pant Tree on a Common Coat Tree”

AP. Acclaimed research botanist Dr. Greenburg, presents the results of his team’s successful grafting of water-proof pants on a coat tree. Greenburg says “This is this is a significant milestone in the preservation of many plant species, the likes of which have not been seen since the era of Gregor Mendel himself!” Researchers hope this will lead to saving many endangered clothing species and that it will  lead to increased farming of common and vintage clothing. “Just think, now we may be able to save the nearly extinct Shawl Shrub and the Ascot Vine” said Greenburg.

From: ROMERO Mike
Subject: FW: Water proof pants on coat tree in reception area can you claim them please.

There’s an Onion article in this somewhere…..  Either the title itself or a story on OBM communications directive on subject line requirement to tell abridged story as part  budget cuts

From: HUGHES Fran
Sent: Wednesday, December 05, 2012 10:52 AM
To: [NWR] Portland Staff
Subject: Water proof pants on coat tree in reception area can you claim them please.